Updated: Feb 25
No matter how personable you are, the answer is 'yes.'
Ladies and gentlemen, it is officially 2019 and if you’re single and looking to not be, it would be in your best interest to be on a dating app, or two (or three or four).
Why? Well I guess it depends on how serious you are about changing your relationship status…
Online apps aren’t absolutely necessary, but you are doing yourself a HUGE disservice by not being on them. I know we’d all prefer to meet our special someone when he/she saves us by jumping in front of the wildly zooming car we didn’t see coming towards us [insert any other heroic, rom-com-like meeting here]— and I’m not saying that can’t happen, but why not open yourself up to more opportunity?
Here are the top six reasons I’ve heard people diss online dating and I’m here to debunk every one of them:
1. “I don’t need to be online, I have game.”
…and I really don’t doubt that (no, I’m not being facetious). Trust me, you could have ALL the game in the world, but if you don’t have the opportunity to spit that game, what good does it do you? Yes, you’ll have the opportunity to do so waiting in line for your coffee at Starbucks, or walking your dog passed your hot neighbor’s house, but A: Will you actually do it? and B: How many times do you get these opportunities? If you’re online, you increase your opportunities ten fold and people won’t be “weirded out” by you approaching them because that’s what everyone dating online is there for.
2. “I’m embarrassed that people I know will see me on there.”
News flash, if people you know are seeing you online, it’s because they’re also online, so they can’t judge (as they shouldn’t).
3. “I’m not desperate.”
No one said you were. In my opinion, online dating is not desperate, but incredibly efficient— you can vet twice the amount of prospects, in half the time, in the comfort of your own home in your comfortable Hello Kitty/ Spiderman pajamas! Sounds like a win-win to me. And a lot of online sites have the option of stating “what you’re looking for,” taking away the guess work of figuring out if you and your potential match are on the same page when it comes to relationship goals.
4. “People are shallow online.”
This is true online and offline (at least initially). Just like you wouldn’t spot someone across a crowded room for their “hot personality,” you wouldn’t swipe right or click “like” on someone who you didn’t find attractive. It’s true, attraction is something that can grow, but whether you’re online or offline, people approach or allow someone to approach them because there is some sense of attraction already.
If you’ve tried online dating before and haven’t had the best of luck, it’s more likely that your personal brand needs work. Aka: your profile isn’t accurately portraying your best self. Which is something I’ve helped countless people with successfully and I can help you too:
5. “I never actually meet up with anyone I match with.”
And that is mainly on you and not the online app or site. I am completely against pen pals on dating apps/sites. Online dating should serve as another channel to MEET your potential partner, not just to chat with them online. The objective is to get enough information over the chat feature of these apps to decide whether or not there is a potential connection between the two of you to take the conversation off the app.
If you’re the pursuer (mostly my men), then you need to have this concept in the back of your mind when you’re initiating conversation. If you are the receiver (mostly, my ladies) and your pursuer is not making bold enough moves to take your conversation off the chat box, it’s your job to give them a nudge in the right direction! (there’s an art to this)— probably an article for another time.
6. “I don’t want to spend money”
This is the absolute worst excuse because there are plenty of quality apps that don’t require a sign-up or membership fee. Some that I recommend are Hinge and Coffee Meets Bagel to start off (you’re welcome).
Although, if you think about it, wouldn’t paying a small monthly fee be worth finding your soulmate and never having to go on another first date again? Just think of it as an investment towards your romantic future.
Online dating and apps don’t have to be the only way you date (and if they are, that’s totally ok too), but at least be OPEN to them. After all, using them could be the difference between spending one more family reunion explaining why you’re dateless, versus another two or three more.
Online dating is a resource and tool to make dating more efficient— it aggregates all the singles in your (specified) area and you can weed out potentials through your own personal preferences— from height, age, education-level (some), relationship goals, etc. Talk about catering your matches to you! And those that are “too busy to date,” no longer have an excuse.
If you’re single and you don’t want to be, then yes, you should online date. Period.